In our fast paced world of technology, competing priorities, careers, kids, home responsibilities and bills, many of us find ourselves scrambling not to drown from the overwhelming tasks and roles that need to be accomplished on a daily basis. Because of the heaviness of daily grind, we grumble and growl at everyone in our household (we wouldn't dare grumble at our co-workers or boss --- we want them to like us)! With all of these obligations, we often find ourselves just ambling through the day without any real thought about our spouse and what they may be going through, as well. Have you ever found yourself rushing through the day, only getting to clock-out time at work realizing you haven't had a chance to think about the love of your life or what their day was like? YEP! GUILTY!!
A few years back, Tom and I juggled shift work, long hours and five kids. I worked 12 hour day shifts as a Charge Nurse at the local hospital and he was working 14 hour rotating shifts at the coal mine. Sometimes, four days had gone by and we hadn't seen each other. On top of it, we were passing responsibilities on to our high school and Jr. high school aged sons that they probably shouldn't have been responsible for; we had also hired a "Nanny" to help with the morning chaos of getting five school-aged children out the door. We definitely were burning candles on both ends and melting in the middle. One evening after Tom and I had finished our long stretches of work, we sat down to dinner. I can't remember exactly what Tom said; but, whatever the question was it evoked a fire in me that caused a snapped response that was not even intentional when the words left my mouth. Tom's reaction and next words were "What is wrong with you?"
Honestly, I didn't mean for the curt response to come out of my mouth; but there they were front and center, leaving my hubby and five children looking at me as if Godzilla had been unleashed. When Tom questioned me as to "What is wrong with you?" I got rocked on my heels. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I had been fine. I was crazy busy, he was crazy busy and the kids were stuck in the middle of this situation that left them managing on their own when it was really my responsibility. It was shortly after that, Tom and I both realized we had been working so hard to make a living; we had quit living and were merely pushing on.
I wish I could say that at that very moment Tom and I made a life altering decision to slow the pace. But, we didn't. We continued on burning through life by doing the same dumb thing day after day - get up, go to work, come home; get up, go to work, come home. But through this grind, we had a few AHA moments that made us stop to realize that rather than busting through the day only to repeat again the next day; we really needed to nurture our relationship before it fell completely apart. I can only say that it was by the grace of God that He helped us realize that Tom and I were each others' helpmate. A good helpmate supports, aids and acts as a companion. At the basis of our relationship, we had one major goal and that was to make it through this chaotic time together and unified. We knew we needed to spend more time building one another up rather than tearing each other down when overburdened by the stresses of life. I needed to make sure to let Tom know I appreciated the load of laundry he put in the washer. He knew he needed to pick up a little slack on his days off. We needed to go out of our way to let each other know how much we appreciated how hard they were working to make ends meet. We both needed to be purposeful about being kinder, more thoughtful and less critical or snappy.
The best part of being intentional with the kinder words and more affectionate actions was that what initially was done out of a need to basis soon became a habit of being sweeter and more loving. Being deliberate in building each other up spilled over to being naturally more spontaneous in our tenderness to each other and our relationship.
Just as in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." We became intent on stopping the spitefulness that wasn't even on purpose but had become second nature. Our marriage is the one constant but if we wanted it to remain stable and strong, it was going to require care and concern on a daily basis by both parties. Today, we've overcome that easy contentiousness and look forward to the daily texts of "I love you to forever and beyond" or "Good Morning, I love you." We both are certain that the other has a positive, encouraging thing to say rather than taking the opportunity to jump on the next potential argument. It's a reassuring feeling to know that kind words are nearly a guarantee and that neither of us have to live on pins and needles.
'Til Next Time, Keep Stickin' 2-Gether!
Carrie
A few years back, Tom and I juggled shift work, long hours and five kids. I worked 12 hour day shifts as a Charge Nurse at the local hospital and he was working 14 hour rotating shifts at the coal mine. Sometimes, four days had gone by and we hadn't seen each other. On top of it, we were passing responsibilities on to our high school and Jr. high school aged sons that they probably shouldn't have been responsible for; we had also hired a "Nanny" to help with the morning chaos of getting five school-aged children out the door. We definitely were burning candles on both ends and melting in the middle. One evening after Tom and I had finished our long stretches of work, we sat down to dinner. I can't remember exactly what Tom said; but, whatever the question was it evoked a fire in me that caused a snapped response that was not even intentional when the words left my mouth. Tom's reaction and next words were "What is wrong with you?"
Honestly, I didn't mean for the curt response to come out of my mouth; but there they were front and center, leaving my hubby and five children looking at me as if Godzilla had been unleashed. When Tom questioned me as to "What is wrong with you?" I got rocked on my heels. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I had been fine. I was crazy busy, he was crazy busy and the kids were stuck in the middle of this situation that left them managing on their own when it was really my responsibility. It was shortly after that, Tom and I both realized we had been working so hard to make a living; we had quit living and were merely pushing on.
I wish I could say that at that very moment Tom and I made a life altering decision to slow the pace. But, we didn't. We continued on burning through life by doing the same dumb thing day after day - get up, go to work, come home; get up, go to work, come home. But through this grind, we had a few AHA moments that made us stop to realize that rather than busting through the day only to repeat again the next day; we really needed to nurture our relationship before it fell completely apart. I can only say that it was by the grace of God that He helped us realize that Tom and I were each others' helpmate. A good helpmate supports, aids and acts as a companion. At the basis of our relationship, we had one major goal and that was to make it through this chaotic time together and unified. We knew we needed to spend more time building one another up rather than tearing each other down when overburdened by the stresses of life. I needed to make sure to let Tom know I appreciated the load of laundry he put in the washer. He knew he needed to pick up a little slack on his days off. We needed to go out of our way to let each other know how much we appreciated how hard they were working to make ends meet. We both needed to be purposeful about being kinder, more thoughtful and less critical or snappy.
The best part of being intentional with the kinder words and more affectionate actions was that what initially was done out of a need to basis soon became a habit of being sweeter and more loving. Being deliberate in building each other up spilled over to being naturally more spontaneous in our tenderness to each other and our relationship.
Just as in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." We became intent on stopping the spitefulness that wasn't even on purpose but had become second nature. Our marriage is the one constant but if we wanted it to remain stable and strong, it was going to require care and concern on a daily basis by both parties. Today, we've overcome that easy contentiousness and look forward to the daily texts of "I love you to forever and beyond" or "Good Morning, I love you." We both are certain that the other has a positive, encouraging thing to say rather than taking the opportunity to jump on the next potential argument. It's a reassuring feeling to know that kind words are nearly a guarantee and that neither of us have to live on pins and needles.
'Til Next Time, Keep Stickin' 2-Gether!
Carrie
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